Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
