I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
