ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
