wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Farmville is her only friend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
