Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
