remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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