I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
