im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
