So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
