My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
