In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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