I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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