Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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