She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
