OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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