i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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