he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
