Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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