Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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