well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
