dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
