the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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