I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it's like heaven, but drunker
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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