My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
