Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
