Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
