I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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