one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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