He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
