so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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