you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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