Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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