grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
