Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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