do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
