How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bring me that man meat
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
