Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
