When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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