i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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