you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
