i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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