Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
