I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
