Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
