he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
