I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
