You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
