i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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