Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
