she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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