Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
