just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
