i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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