The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize