when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
