I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
