my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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