no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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