Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize