Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
