Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
