shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize