Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize