I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
