Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
