i just wanna soil my oats bro
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
