The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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