Cold hands, warm shart.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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