she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
