Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
