Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
