this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
