My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
high people should be assigned attendants
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
