Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
