i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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