I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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